The last couple days have been pretty good for us here. I have been able to do homeschooling and taking care of the littles, and meals and basic housework without having a total meltdown. Dh has been working full days. Wednesday was a little rough around the edges, but I was able to hold down the fort until Dh got home from work. It was kind of like finishing a race by going over the finish line, sliding on your face. It wasn't pretty, but I did it. Yesterday was a much more graceful finish.
I have had two nights of decent sleep. What a boon that has been! Yesterday we celebrated Jerusha's bday (thank to her SC cousins for the ecard, btw!), and though it was very low keyed it went well. Being her mother's daughter, the fact that we had cake was enough to make her day. :)
Our new normal is still being formed, but we are getting there. After two weeks of being back to school, I am finally getting used to it. There are many times when it seems so overwhelming that I kind of freeze up, but those times will decrease. I try to focus on one subject at a time, and no fancy stuff. We did do some history projects last week and that was fun. Next week we are starting a new curriculum with the "9 and unders"... it is the home ec. course from Pearables. Looks simple enough, and everything is all planned out. That is what I need right now. Even though everything in the curriculum is stuff I can teach them on my own, it is nice to have the brain work all done, and all we have to do is read and do the projects. Less for me to try and figure out.
Today has already been somewhat trying. Last night while dh and I were praying together before bed he mentioned the missions conference. Now that didn't register with me until this morning. Missions conference? I had myself in almost a panic attack. I can't hardly do the basics here, never mind a missions conference! That means playing music.. I haven't even done a note of music since Aaron died. Hospitality.. that means meal planning, major house cleaning, organizing things for guests who we have never met before... oh, stress, stress, stress. I had myself quite worked up over it. It isn't that I don't want to help with the missions conference, it is just that it is way more than I can handle right now. Then the guilt of not being able to do what I think I should... Anyway, you can see how this thought process was going for me. Then I realized that I didn't even know WHEN the conference was. We usually have it later in March. I talked to dh during his morning break and he lovingly reminded me to take things one step at a time here, and that there was no need to worry about something at least two months from now. No he didn't have a date set yet. In fact, he hasn't even decided on WHO to have for the special speaker yet. Anyway, he put my mind at ease about the whole thing and made me realize I was stressing about something that didn't need to be stressed about. He said the only thing I had to take care of was just taking little steps at a time. How did I get such a wise husband?
I have been out of sorts quite a bit this morning. I wonder if every 25th of the month is going to be like this? I wonder what the first year anniversary will be like. Is Christmas going to be morbid and unpleasant? Maybe this year, but I expect that will get better as time goes. My midwife made a good point when I was talking with her the other day. She said that the nice thing about it being on Christmas is that we'll most likely have family around. I hadn't thought about that. I mean, even later, when the kids are grown, most likely we'll try to get together for the holidays (as per our family custom) and we can always remember Aaron together, and give thanks together.
My goal today is to just get through the day. As soon as dh gets home I am cocooning myself in my room with hot some hot chocolate (yeah, mom, that's right, I said HOT CHOCOLATE! heheheheh) and engaging in some escapism activity... reading or watching a movie on the laptop. At least I can make it until dh gets home from work now. That is an improvement!
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