Lethargy

Today is Jerusha's 3rd birthday. I started thinking about it last night. Of course, thinking about Jerusha's wonderful birth got me thinking about Aaron. Instead of rejoicing in my daughter I am mourning over my son. Now, at her age, she doesn't care. When we said happy birthday to her this morning, her biggest concern was getting back to playing. So, I am guessing my being downcast isn't going to scar her for life, KWIM? We will be doing cake and presents tomorrow night anyway.

It isn't a "first" either, believe it or not. I was born on my mother's birthday, and that was four days after Aaron's.

I can't help but wonder if Jerusha's birthday, and remembering the wonderful expericence of her birth, in contrast with Aaron's, is triggering my mood today. I kept thinking about things last night, and didn't get to bed until 2am. this morning. Then I didn't drift off right away. When I did fall asleep, I did sleep very soundly.

This morning has not been going well. I just feel like giving up. I just don't have the energy to deal with children, and schoolwork, and trying to get through each long day. I don't have the energy to keep up with chores, child training, meals, etc. I just want to crawl up in a hole and just be left alone for a little while. I don't have the energy to try to explain anything more than once, and if you have children, you know many times you have to. I don't have the energy to make decisions, even simple ones.

I am supposed to "do the next thing" but I don't know what the "next thing" should be. And, you guessed it, I don't have the energy or ambition to figure it out.

So, there's today in a nutshell. Definately not going to be a record breaking day in the area of productivity.