Nothing Earth Shattering... Thank the Lord!

The fact that today was basically your run of the mill type of day says a lot about how things are going here. Another day where the time was passed in the humdrum type of tasks that make up what we call "everyday life". Nothing surprising, nothing life changing, nothing that would make the day remarkable. Thank the Lord! I need more of these days.

Today was a day of normal activities... making bread, cleaning the bathrooms, doing laundry, doing school, child training, washing dishes, etc. Just more little steps in helping to create a new normal for me. In all these activities, I still felt strange, but there is a certain comfort in routine things. Menial tasks that take just enough brain work to keep my mind busy but not overtaxing the ol' brain cells.

There is one downside to all this "normalcy" during the day. My mind demands it's time to grieve and to meander about in thought at night. I was having the "reeling" before, and though that has been absent over the last several nights, my mind now has gone the other way, like the swinging of a pendulum. It wanders all over, from thought to thought.. sometimes related, sometimes one totally unconnected from the next. I will go from what is for supper the next day to "I wonder what the theme will be for VBS this year", to brainstorming ideas for homeschooling. It goes on and on. Nothing traumatic, but just my brain working overtime I guess.

And yes, Aaron is still very heavy on my heart and mind. Always in the forefront of my mind. My heart is heavy, but I am crying less. No one warned me about this part.. where your heart is crying, but your eyes are dry. How does that happen? Why does that happen? Is my body just tired of producing so many tears? I almost feel like I am betraying his memory by not crying, but I know that is wrong. I know that Aaron wouldn't want me crying all the time. I know the Lord does everything for our good, and that He loves us, and that there is purpose in all this somewhere. I know that right now I just need to be content to take it all one step at a time, and allow healing and adapting to come at its own pace.

So tonight that is where I am. Thankful for more normal days, though I still feel like a woman without a nation, or disembodied or something. I will go through the motions the best I can, and do what I can, but also remember that very little time has passed and not to push. One little step at a time.