Thursday, August 28, 2008

Submitting When I don't Want To

I have been going gung-ho in trying to declutter the basement and straighten it up for our company coming in late Sunday night thru Tuesday. It is a missionary family of ten, passing thru our area in need of a place to stay. We are very glad to do it, and had this family in for our missions conference last March and hit it off quite well. Now, back then only half of them came because the wife was due soon with a baby. This time they are all coming! I had started working in a basement a couple weeks ago, but was sidetracked with beginning school, etc. Now this week I have been pushing myself to get it done.

I can already see a big difference, and that is encouraging to me! I'm making a dent, but it is by no means near done. It will at least be usuable by the time company arrives, but not finished. There are lots of tools, leftover lumber, and apparatus that dh wants to go through. I wouldn't even know how to begin with that stuff!

I have been going through children's clothes, and am almost done. Then I will go through all the excess household inventory (aka.. "junk"), bedding, decorations, etc. It feels so good to just get rid of all the stuff we don't need, don't use, or don't have room for. Now understand, I am a "thrower" and dh is a "Packrat" though he has improved greatly over the last several years.

What I am having a problem with is dh's decree today.

Ever since we lost Aaron, I am prone to having what I call emotional breakdowns, especially when I am overtired. I just cry and cry and cry. The children's behavior has been heavy on my heart lately, and I have seen over the last year or so a general decline in how they talk to each other, respond to each other, and in their general obedience. There was a whole string of things this morning, and I just broke down and cried.

Last night I was so tired I was on the verge of tears all night after church. I really was THAT tired! You all probably think I am a basket case, but I am trying to accurately describe what has been going on. Iused to be able to work and work and work and though I was fatiqued, still be able to deal with things. It was never unusual for me to be up to 1 or 2am canning or cleaning up from a day of canning. Not that I liked to, but I could handle it, kwim? Now, I can't even fathom that. It is a good thing our garden has been pretty much a bust this year!

Most days I am feeling fine, and can handle the days ups and downs with confidence, but apparently not today. I was just bawling after a string of disobedience, lying, etc. and called dh. We conversed for a while, he gave me some good advice and said that he didn't want me down in the basement at all today, and to just deal with being a Mama, and schoolwork. I sputtered a bit and asked "WEll, if everyone settles in and the opportunity arises for me to work down there, would that be all right?"

Dh said "I would rather you didn't." Which is his way of saying "No."

I'm thinking... company coming, I can rest all I want after they leave.. now is the time for the big push and I'm finally making progress... I don't want to obey this, I want to go down there and work!

He did say we could work together down there this evening if I wanted to. But he wants me to have a lighter day today, and take it easy as possible until he gets home. But it was driving me crazy not to be using my most productive hours to work down there.

All day I unwillingly submitted.. at first. Funny thing happened is that after naptime, I didn't mind submitting. I was feeling the "rest" having good effects. Not that I sat around doing nothing, but doing the basics only and letting rest lie as it was.

One of the ladies who were praying for me enoucraged me to let my dh be my covering and protector in taking care of my body and its needs. So true! I sit here tonight feeling much, much better about the day, and glad I obeyed my dh in this. It was a wise thing on his part, and I am grateful for a dh who loves me, and is sensitive to what I need, especially when I don't take care of myself.

No comments: