It has been a very, very busy day. I deep cleaned the kitchen. I took the knick knacks off the shelf and dusted them and the shelf, scrubbed down the microwave, toaster, coffee maker, counters, dish drainer, stove, fridge.. including clearing off the top and cleaning it really well. I washed all the bedding. I washed clothes. I cleaned the bathroom. All this along with the usual homeschooling, child training, meal getting, etc. Dale is still home, so yes, I did have his help, though he spent a good deal of time down stairs doing some work. This afternoon was a little less busy, thankfully.
Dale said earlier that he should have gotten me to slow down this morning. I need to remember to pace myself better. Tonight I am finding myself emotionally downcast and depressed some. For the last couple of days I have been on a cleaning spree along with our normal routines, and I think it has served purpose not only to get the main areas of our house clean, but also to push aside reality a bit. Now I am paying for it.
So, for the first time in a while I am using my favorite crutch... hot chocolate. No tea tonight. I need the hard stuff.
I wish I could speed up time a bit to get past some of the grieving process. But in all honesty, (I'm sure this is a given), I wouldn't have missed having Aaron for anything. Even though our time with him was short. Even though I am dealing with the emotional upheaval and ugly grieving process in the aftermath of his death, I am glad we had him. My arms still ache for him. My heart still feels so heavy for him. But I know we will adjust and we will rejoice in the warm, soothing memories of him in the future.
So pass the hot chocolate. I plan on loving him, grieving for him, and rejoicing and thanking the Lord for him.
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