Irritating Insomnia

I had another bout of sleeplessness last night. I have been doing much better overall, thankfully, but last night was the worst by far. It was one of those times when I was tired, wanted to go to sleep, but couldn't. The more I thought about it the more frustrated I got. So I got up and read. Then I went back and tried to sleep. Got restless, frustrated... got up and read. I finished the book I was reading around 4:30 a.m. I finally got to sleep around 5, I think. Was up around 8 a.m. Wasn't it Thomas Edison who said sleep was highly overrated?

So, today was trashed, as far as any ambition goes. Dale said very sweetly "that's okay, you did enough yesterday for two days. Relax.". What a great guy he is! I took a nap this afternoon for a while, and that helped.

Have you ever noticed how important context is in Scripture? The simplest thing can be taken out of context. For example, and relevant to my insomnia last night, is Psalm 127: 2 "It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep."

Taken out of context, here is what someone in my position sees: I am vain, because I can't sleep. I am sorrowing and grieving, and that is wrong, because He gives His beloved sleep. So, where is the sleep? Doesn't God love me? Am I not His beloved? This thought pattern could lead to some misunderstanding of the Scriptures and even make one doubt their salvation.

In context, the Scripture is much more understandable. Having read through the Bible several times, I can think of some verses that talk about how nothing can separate us from the love of God, and how grieving is okay, and how He loves me. So the above interpretation, taken out of context, right off doesn't ring true to me. If you look at the first verse in the Psalm, it says: "Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain... " then that goes into verse 2. You see the context here, now, right? It is talking about housekeeping. It is vain for me to take it all upon myself to do everything in my own strength. It is only with the Lord that a house is a home. I should not purposefully stay up late and get up early, not getting proper sleep, to do this task or that or fretting about how to run the house or maintain it. I should be diligent in my work,, to be sure, but I should also have that peace that passes all understanding, and get my rest.

There is quite a difference, isn't there? Like the Realtors say.. "location, location, location!"; we should say, when studying the Bible "Context, context, context!" You can go even further than "context" though. Scripture will never contradict itself. It seems to, then we are interpreting it wrong somewhere. God is not the author of confusion.

Notice the rest of Psalm 127 talks about children being a blessing, a reward, a joyful gift from the Lord. The context has nothing to do with the death of a child.

Another Psalm I read today is Psalm 130. David is crying out yet again in distress to the Lord. The plaintive note, and the pleading tone is evident, and unfortunately, familiar. Verse 1 says: " Out of the depths have I cried unto thee..." and verses 5 and 6 say: " I wait for the Lord, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope. My soul waiteth for the Lord more than they that watch for the morning: I say, more than they that watch for the morning."

David wasn't afraid to cry out and honestly let God know his innermost thoughts and feelings. When he was joyful, when he was afraid, when he was in the dark places with grief and anguish. Did God hear him? Did He cast David away? Did the Lord think David was vain in losing sleep, losing flesh, feeling like he was in despair? God calls David His "beloved". Context. Comparing Scripture with Scripture. Let us be like the Bereans in studying and reading and having discernment in what we hear or read. The more I read and pray and hear good preaching and studying, the more I realize so many things we do, so many assumptions, are without merit. Not necessarily "wrong", but not edifying.

Today I was just trying to get through a rough spot. I could tell it was coming my way last night, so at least it didn't surprise me this time. Grieving certainly doesn't come in a nice little package with a bow of predictability on top. It is permanent. It is multifaceted. It is ugly. And the path it follows is not a straight line, or smooth footing. Many times I stumble, sometimes I feel like I am walking in circles, or even backtracking.

Today has been a "just exist" type of day. Any plans or ambitions I had were put on hold until tomorrow. I am just pushing through it, and I have no energy or ambition to fight against it. And what I am slowly learning is: That is Okay! Tomorrow is another day. New with God's mercies.