Speech Therapy

One of the things that makes raising children is "training" aspect. It isn't just the parents' responsibility to feed and clothe and provide shelter. Parents wear many hats. As a mom, I can say that can leave a body feeling frazzled and brain dead by the end of the day. In the course of a day I may wear the hats for teacher, chief cook and bottle washer, launderer, tailor, seamstress, nurse, chef, secretary... the list goes on and on. Just depends on what the day brings.

In the midst of all the physical stuff like homeschooling and chores, there is also a nice category called "character training". This area is not as clear cut as the physical. It is more abstract. For example, training children to have a joyful attitude when doing a chore they don't like. Or training them to have and USE their manners.

Recently I have been meditating on speech. It started with me noticing how the children talk to each other. I would like to say my sweet little cherubs always speak to each other with grace and kindness. However, then I would be speaking with a forked tongue. We have the typical squabbles and "Hey gimme that" or the whining hollering of a siblings name, and placing two syllables where there should only be one.
"Bennnnnnn-eh!"
"Liiiiiiz-eh"

What is with that anyway? Does adding that extra syllable add more forcefulness to their complaint or what?

I was scolding them for talking short to each other. Then one day I realized that maybe I wasn't being the example I should be as the parent.
"Don't do that."
"Do NOT run in the house!"
"If you hit her again you'll be disciplined!"
"What? Not now, can't you see I'm busy?"

Ouch. The Lord showed me that my speech needs to improve as well. There is a time and a place for sharpness and raised voices. In times of danger, for example. If one of my children are running out into the road, you bet I'm going to do a good fishwife holler at them. But most times, I have found, my voice could be modified a great deal. "No" can be said, and said kindly. Not in an irritated-I-didn't-get-enough-sleep-last-night-and-haven't-had-coffee-yet type of way. Or if they are hovering in my "personal space" when I am holding Isaac, I don't have to say "Back off, would ya? Give him some air!" I could ratchet that down to be more pleasant.

Another area I am trying to work on is the yelling. Not necessarily yelling in anger, I mean the general volume of the house. It is easy to slip into the yelling for someone in a small house. But then the children get the idea that loud voices are acceptable inside. So, instead of "Oh Elizabeth! Could you come here please???" I send someone with a message that I would like to see her. Or if there is fussing down the hall in the boys room, for example, I try not to holler "Hey, what is going on down there!" but go and SEE for myself. I have found you get a lot more information that way when you sneak up on them. Or, if I am nursing Isaac I will send one of the children who are behaving to tell the offending party or parties that Mama would like to see them, please. I and tell the messenger to give the message politely, not: "Hey, Mama wants to see you NOW!" with a vicious sound in their voice.

Back in February I read the following devotional and have been thinking about it since.

The Christians Speech

"Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man." (Colossians 4:6)

A Christian's words are of transcendent importance, for Jesus has said: "Every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment" (Matthew 12:36). The word "answer" in the text above means more than simply an answer to a question. The Greek word is used 250 times in the New Testament, and in ever other instance, it is used in a simple narrative sense (such as, "he answered saying"). Thus it refers to ordinary conversation, indicating that every verbal response of a Christian should be gracious and tasteful- never crude, or hurtful, or bland.

The Scriptures include many other specifications for a Christian's speech. In the first place, there should not be too much of it! "Study to be quiet, and to do your own business" (1 Thessalonians 4:11). Our words should be carefully chosen, able to be substantiated - "sound speech, that cannot be condemned" (Titus 2:8). People should be able to rely on the truth of what we say. "Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour" (Ephesians 4:25). Furthermore, "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers" (Ephesians 4:29). "But who ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth" (Colossians 3:8). Our words should always be edifying and helpful, wholesome and thoughtful.

But if this seems humanly impossible, remember God is able to tame our tongues, even though we cannot! The key is prayer - earnest and consistant prayer - not just that our speech become innocuous, but that it may edify, testify, and minister grace.
~Days of Praise, February 7, 2009, written by Henry M. Morris, Ph.D.

There are many verses that talk about our speech, our tongue and the uses and consequences of that one unruly member of our anatomy. A few weeks after reading the above devotional, a verse in Proverbs was talked about and the two devotionals dovetailed in my mind.

"She is a tree of life to them that lay hold upon her: and happy is every one that retaineth her." ~Proverbs 3:18.

The writer of Provers used this tree of life and its health-giving qualities as a symbol of four attributes of a God centered, spiritual life which can bring blessing to all those touched by it.
1. True wisdom is like a tree of life, imparting true happiness to all those partaking of it, then guarding it.
2. "The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life; and he that winneth souls is wise" (Proverbs 11:30). A life showing sincere and genuine righteousness, like one showing godly wisdom, with bring forth wholesome fruit to those in real contact with it.
3. "Hope deferred maketh the heart sick; but when the desire cometh, it a tree of life" (Proverbs 13:12). I think of that verse all the time when I am holding Isaac. Those of you who know what we have been through in the last couple years will understand that application.
4. And here is the one that got me.... "a wholesome tongue is a tree of life"(Proverbs 15:4). If we use our tongue to make speech that is God-honoring, not complaining or criticizing, or being crude or foolish, it can be a tree of life to the hearer.

Something I have noticed... when I control my speech, I feel much more at peace. For example, you Mamas who are reading this. Have you ever "lost it" with your children? I mean, flying of the handle, yelling, type of "loosing it"? Well, I have. I'll raise my hand. You know what I discovered? All the energy expended to do the yelling doesn't help a thing. All it does it make me feel terrible on the inside, and it certainly doesn't change the circumstances that brought on the flying off the handle. But when I control my voice, and even if I have to speak sternly, not necessarily loudly, I feel much more at peace on the inside. Of course, then you have to make sure the law you lay down is reinforced, but that is a different post altogether.

Being a good example in controlling my speech has helped in my endeavor in training my children. No, we don't have it all perfect yet, that is for sure. But I am working on it, and though I try to control my voice, as an example, I do spend time trying to point out to the children how they can ask more nicely for a toy or a book from a sibling, or request more nicely that a sibling doesn't sit in their spot when they have to get up to go potty during a movie, or if they have a problem with a sibling how to take care of it in a more tactful and graceful way. Have we perfected this yet? Well, we are working on it.

Have a blessed day, with speech seasoned with grace!