And that is all I plan on doing today. Rough night last night, which was surprising, because in the evening I got to go for a walk, which was pleasant, even if it proved I was out of shape though I have lost around 35lbs since having Aaron. I had a peaceful evening and cross stitched until my eyes couldn't take it anymore. I actually got sleepy enough to go to bed around midnight.
It is funny how grieving can come back and bite you. You'd think the ending to the above story would be I slept good, had a restful night, and am off and running this morning ready to tackle anything that comes my way.
What really happened was that I ended up not falling asleep until several hours later, had a miserable night, restless sleep, and have had a morning of emotional turmoil, tears, and been through more tissues than anyone should be allowed. So, today the mantra is "just cope.. just exist... " and get through it one moment at a time.
I am glad that now not every day is like this. I have many days where I can "do" a lot and even get through the day with a great deal of productivity and grace. I can smile and enjoy the children and the sunshine and the fact that the geese are flying north and we saw a robin and we will be planting the garden before we know it. I know yesterday's post was a vent of sorts, and today's is gloomy too. Just for the record, everyday isn't like this. And even with a certain amount of emptiness inside my heart, there are plenty of days were I would say they were "good" days, meaning they were easier.
I just pray the day will go by quickly and that tomorrow will be better.
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