May We Never Forget

I know there are tons of articles, shows, interviews, and blog entries today about 9/11.

Good.

I hope we as Americans never forget the tragedy that happened and never get "bored" of remembering those fallen and their families in prayer.

Great Expectations

I use that Charles Dickens title with the attitude of Mark Twain.

Great expectations.. that is what we have for our children. Right? What parent doesn't? We want to see our children excel in life, and live the American dream in persuit if life, liberty and happiness. We want to prepare them and do everything we can to make sure they are able to live their lives to the fullest.

I think we may be getting carried away.

Recently a group of moms I am in was discussing how much kindergarden has changed since we were that age. I am astonished at what is becoming the "norm" for 5 to 6 year olds. You may have noticed along with me and several other moms, that there are a ton of pics of kids on Facebook. 5 year olds literally passed out after a day of kindergarden. I have been reading about how instead of "play time" (which has many important and real developmental benefits for younger children, by the way), acedemic materials such as math and phonics and science are being crammed into those young brains fast and furiously in the hopes that some of it will *stick* and give them a leg up on... what? First grade? Life? These pictures depict small children just home from a DAY in kindergarden, and passed out around 3:30 in the afternoon, and sleeping through until the next morning. I've read where some of the 5 or 6 year olds have homework EVERY DAY! I recently read of a school district in Chicago that extended their hours to 8am. until 5p.m.

You have got to be kidding me.

What ever happened to playing with blocks? Using play dough? Coloring? Having stories read aloud to a group of kids sitting on a cheery rug? Playtime with other children? Milk and cookies?

Apparently these things are to "infant" to be part of kindergarden anymore. Apparently the fine motor skills that block stacking, cutting, pasting, or coloring develop aren't needed to learn to write anymore. Apparently creativity is no longer an important part of mental development (for learning how to think out of the box later in life... we know as adults that solutions seldom are easy as something found in a text book and we have to get creative sometimes). Oh, forget the milk and cookies. Every kid and his brother are lactose intolerant now, and cookies aren't a nutritious snack, so that is out.

I am all for instilling a sense of work ethic into our kids, and striving for excellence and all that, but is this rigorous type of schooling neccessary for our 5 to 6 year olds? Is it even healthy? I don't think it is.

Oh, and as a home schooler, don't ask me about socialization of our children. Given the current trend of working our youngsters to death at an early age in school, I can guarentee my kids are getting more "socialized" than the 5 year old who spends all day in a classroom with his peer group, unable to play because of all the crammed information he is getting, and then crashing and burning when he gets home until the next morning.

I honestly don't get the whole socializing thing anyway. What is so important about having time with their age group? My oldest is a teenager. I don't know of any teenagers that I want him emulating. My children thankfully have grown up around older people, and are able to talk to them as comfortably and naturally as they can a child. When they grow up and have a job or a family, they are certainly NOT going to be around only their peers. All age groups will (and should) be a part of their life, and they should feel comfortable and natural around all ages, not just their peer group. The adults they converse with generally have good communications skills, manners and knowledge. Why would I want them spending more time with snotty nosed little brats who scream, yell, hit, or get petulant at the least provocation? I don't need them learning any more bad habits or attitudes. They have plenty of their own already. I don't need my teenagers thinking it is normal and right for them to hate their parents, siblings, and all authority figures. A little time with their friends is fine. But I don't want them getting their "socialization" skills from their peer groups. No thank you.

There are may other benefits to home schooling. Abbi at Proverbs 31 Living lists a few very sweetly here. Please take the time to read her excellent post on parenting with less stress. I totally agree with her post on this!

So, while the kids in public school are working hard at learning things they will forget before they hit the sack that night, and then coming home to be too tired to do anything but crash on the couch, we are going to be doing hands on projects as much as possible, with lots of time to swim, bike ride, play Wii, watch a movie, play kick ball, or just hang out together as a family. There is something to be said for a gentler, slower pace of learning. Actually there is a lot to be said for it. Your brain will generally retain more information if it is given over time, and repeated. Cramming may give you some facts.. but for a short time. I crammed for many tests while I was in school. I don't remember anything from those cram sessions now. It got me some good grades, but no real knowledge or appreciation for the material I was studying. I certainly didn't enjoy it.

More and more I am so glad we are home schooling. It isn't easy, and it keeps this mama very busy, but I wouldn't do it any other way. I would hate to subject my children to the abuse that some of the school systems inflict upon their students in the name of "education".

End of rant. I'm going to plan a fun day of learning with my children.

Grace-based Parenting of Toddlers

Recently my SIL has been posting some very good stuff on grace-based parenting, and comparing different parenting styles. You can see all her hard work at The Savage's Lair.

I agree with the commenters above although I think the Shepherding book is too impressed with spanking as a disciplinary tool and I would skip over those parts, especially where he's talking about spanking babies. I don't think parents should ever do that.

I think you already know the answer in your heart, since you have wisely disparaged the mental checklist or one-size-fits-all approach. I know they are incredibly appealing. I remember feeling the exact same way when my older children were toddlers. There's a certain amount of chaos and naughtiness that goes on at those young ages and you wish there was a silver bullet to make them always behave the way they do in their best moments.

I remember being pointed to "How to Really Love Your Child" (Ross Campbell) as a good book on discipline. Taking it home and reading it, I could not see anything helpful in it. I wanted a "But what do you do when..." set of directions. A collection of silver bullets.

Years later I was asked to speak to a church group on Loving Your Children, and I wondered how best to collect my thoughts on that so I reread that book. This time, since my children were grown up or nearly so, I saw the book in a new light. His book distilled the essence of good parenting, and in my opinion, the heart of Christian parenting. It's basically what I would say if someone asked for the most important things I could tell them about parenting.

First comes relationship. All your child rearing happens within the framework of your home's atmosphere and your relationship with your children and husband. So smile at your children when they toddle up to you, make eye contact with them, touch them gently on the shoulder while you're telling them to pick up the blocks. These things build a warm cooperative family environment.

Instead of thinking in terms of "that deserves a punishment," think about the behavior as a sign that the children need to be equipped and taught to make a better decision. If they are whining, show them a better tone of voice. If they are hitting, show them how to negotiate for what they want or take turns.

And then there are the times when the instruction just needs to be enforced calmly, without rancor. You walk in your authority. Say your child doesn't want to leave the nursery when it's time to go home from church. You tell her it's time to go and she acts like she didn't hear you. You did the whole 5 minute notice thing like a good parent and still she won't leave. Well then, you pick her up and leave. You don't need to threaten, you don't need to make a scene, you don't need to give her a mini-lecture. You just be a parent and do what needs to be done. (She's probably a little strung out from being in a small box of a room with 6 children for an hour and a half. Wouldn't you be?)

If the naughtiness is at a particularly high level, think about that behavior as a sign. What's it a sign of? Yes, yes, I know all about sin natures and such. But what's the behavior a sign of? We SIN because our bent is to answer a basic need the wrong way. That's always our tendency. So what's the behavior a wrong answer to? Is the child hungry? Is he tired? Is he over-stimulated? Is he feeling misunderstood or overlooked? Have you been dragging the kids from pillar to post on errands and they really need to get home and back into their own routine and their own environment?

The fact that we are so much older and wiser than our children means we need to put our greater life experience to work on their behalf. If they could simply tell you, "Don't listen to me, I know I'm being irrational about this, I'm totally exhausted and not thinking straight" like a girlfriend would, things would be different. You have to piece that together from the information you can pick up. Of course if your girlfriend said that to you, you wouldn't "not listen to her." You'd calm her down, encourage her to get some sleep, administer chocolate, whatever. You'd "not listen to her" in terms of not reacting to the drama, but you'd continue to be her friend and try and help her. Same with your kids. They can't tell that they are overly hungry or overly tired. They're just striking out in their misery. We have to see that, and fast track the root solution--get their blood sugar back up, or get them down for the badly-needed nap, or get them home to their own environment. Do it gently and mercifully, not angrily and punitively. They're just kids.)

In other situations, the parental thing to do is set a boundary and then unemotionally enforce it. "I know you don't like your car seat, honey. Up you go. I know you hate it. Let's get that buckle fastened. Ok. Here's your juice." [Child is feeling uncooperative and inconsolable and bats it away.] "Oh--you don't want your juice? You can tell me with your words. I'll put it away." [Matter-of-factly put the juice cup away. You don't need to be pulled into the drama here. These are just feelings being handled immaturely. Toddlers are, by definition, immature. Now, as you get yourself settled in the car, change the subject, help your child not dwell on what's not negotiable.] "Who will we see at the store? Will we see Mr. Steven there?"

A squall about getting into a dreaded car seat doesn't need to be punished. They outgrow that kind of stuff. You just handle it. Think about all the stuff you hate to do...God doesn't punish us for hating to face that mountain of laundry. But by our ages, we have strategies for getting through it. Young children don't have strategies yet.

So there's some thoughts for you.

I have to say I have enjoyed what she has been posting because way back when my oldest was a baby I read and reread some very popular child rearing books at the time that promoted spanking and lots of it. I have found over the years that spanking is not always the way to go, and sometimes, depending on the child, other things will work, such as a loss of a toy, or a privilege, or one child would even straighten up at just a certain look.

Over the last 15 years, 7 children, granted, still in the works, I have found that not one thing works with all children. Not one method is "right". It takes much wisdom and discernment and there is WAY more to discipline and parenting than using the rod. I could post much more on that, but will refrain for now. Let's just say I threw those first books away, turned back to the Bible and asking God for wisdom. I've also decided there is no such thing as a "child expert". Just someone who is experienced with their own children.

Let us Never Forget

Let's pray today for our country, our leaders, our military, and for revival in our hearts. You may already be praying everyday for those things, but let's not forget this day in our recent history.

Post Partum Depression? How to care for a newborn?

It always amazes me after even a home birth, you still get freebie materials for taking care of newborns.

This past week I got a phone call from the county health ledger.. a health association. The lady that called was very personable, I have to say. However she was asking about how the baby was doing, if I had any questions, what his stats were when he was born and if he had any vax's yet, yadda yadda yadda. Well, I told her we put off vaccination indefinately. Not sure I should have told her that, but I said "I know that can be a hot topic" and she very kindly said, no problem, I understand.

A couple days later I get this pack in the mail talking about how to take care of your newborn. Now I told this lady this way my 8th baby. So this made dh and I laugh. The first thing I asked my dh when he was looking over the pamplets was:

"So, how do they reccomend putting your baby down to sleep this year?"

Seems like every time I have a baby they change their tune on that one. This year "they" say you are supposed to lay them on their backs. Pffft. I think when I had my oldest that was a huge no-no. Isaac sleeps on his side for the most part.

Oh, and here is a good one...
"NEVER allow the infant to sleep on the couch especially with an adult."
Oh great... Dh loves to put Isaac across his chest and prop him so he won't fall off and snooze. I guess we broke that rule!

"Parents should never co-sleep with an infant." Uhoh. I do like to nurse/sleep with Isaac sometimes. Of course, I don't toss and turn usually, and I am very aware when he is in the bed, and so is dh. Usually I do these in the morning, after dh is up and getting ready for work anyway.

Here's one I don't understand at all...
"but baby at the foot of the crib". They show a little diagram. They want us to put the baby so his feet are close to the foot of the crib. WHY???? I don't understand that one at all. Right now he is sleeping in the portacrib, crosswise. However I can put him in without waking him up! LOL

Okay... here's what got me. The stuff in parenthesis are my own snide comments.

Are you a mom, with a baby, who tends to...
~cry for no reason? (Goodness, am I a woman with hormones?"
~feel "panic"?
~worry a lot about your health or the health of your baby? (what mother doesn't?)
~Have trouble sleeping or relaxing? (yeah, like when the baby is awake, or crying, or doing his pre-wake up snorting...)
~Stay away from other people (yup..as much as possible. It is flu/cold season and I have a newborn for crying out loud!)
~Have a change in appetite? (you mean like eating more because of nursing a baby? doh!)
~Have difficulty making decisions (does the term "sleep deprivation" mean anything to you?)

If you have some of these feelings or behaviors, you may be depressed, even thouh other people may not see your depression.

According to this pamphlet I have ppd, and no wonder, since apparently I am at high risk from having a stillbirth. Oh, and it has gone on past the two week mark so I am supposed to be seeking professional help.

Yeah right.

Is it me, or do those sypmtoms seem to apply to more than ppd and are too generic to be helpful? Maybe it is just another ploy of the medical establishment to get more money? I know there are women who really do suffer, I'm not making light of that, but those symptoms could apply to so many other things.

Oh, there is a list of things to do for yourself ALONG with getting professional help. One of the things is to "Look for humor. Have fun and Laugh." Well, just as I was finishing up reading about depression and how one of the symptoms is a feeling of hopelessness, "Taps" started playing on the radio. :doh: It was being used as part of an intro for a hymn "Nearer My God To Thee" which of course conjured up visions of Titanic... talk about feeling hopeless!

Okay... enough babbling... there is no real point to this post. Back to whatever you were doing. :)

ETA: I was reading this over to Dale who responded:
"I must have post partum depression too." LOL!

God's Provision, Finished Project, and awards Thank You

Every so often in a digest I get, someone writes in about not eating unclean meat, as if we were still under the law. Recently someone said something against eating rabbit meat. I chuckled to myself thinking that in our area, there are many that have no problem eating rabbit meat. We don't, because we don't hunt rabbits. There is also various times that "you shouldn't eat pork" has come up. Really? Well, then, I guess God made a big mistake when He provided 500lbs of pork for us a couple years ago. In this same digest, someone was once whining that they couldn't bear reading the posts about deer hunting because it was just so terrible for her, and could we please not write in about that? Good grief! There are a couple thousand ladies that are part of this group. One bleeding heart gets to dictate what we write in about? Personally, I feel that if God provides it for us, then we eat it. Like the deer meat that was just given to us tonight. Dale figures it is 25 to 30 lbs. of venison. One of the men our church shot it and dressed it for us. That's a lot of work! We feel very blessed to have received that love gift, and are thankful for it. His wife is a woman after my own heart. She is taking the hides from the deer they shoot and treating them, making nice soft skins to make some mocassins and maybe a coat.

Enough of the soapbox... onto something lighter, like.. I FINALLY finished the girls' matching dresses Thursday night. They wore them today for church, so I took a quick pic before dinner. I am working on my matching jumper. Not sure how much time I'll have for sewing this week, but it won't be near so involved as those dresses, I know that!



As a third part to this hodge-podge post, I would like to thank Heart 4 My Home for these two awards:


The is the Marie Antoinette Award, given to those who are brave enough to be transparent in blog land.

This next one is a Butterfly Award.



I am blessed, Thank You!