Rambling, Reeling, and Regrouping

Yesterday was a long, dark, emotional day. I think I wrote over twelve pages in my journal before I realized at 1:30am this morning that I was "reeling" again. I had that problem right after Aaron's birth, and it lasted several weeks. It subsided into a general restlessness in the evenings. Lately it has been more just awake and twiddling my thumbs wondering when I will fall asleep. It has been getting gradually better, so I am thankful.

Usually writing is theraputic for me but I kept going over the same paths of thought, just using different words. That is what "reeling" is. I haven't had that problem in many weeks, so it took me by surprise. The solution is to break the thought cycle. Your mind then can relax and you can move on to other things... like sleeping, in my case.

Today is a regroup day. Typically after a "crash" day I have a day where my mental capabilities are at a bare minimum. I can't even conjure enough "toomph" to get wound up about anything the kids may or may not be doing. I don't care if the schoolwork gets done. I don't care if the cooking gets done. I don't care... it takes too much energy.

Now before things look totally lame here, I have gotten a shower, organized and written down what schoolwork everyone needs to do, and have done two loads of laundry. Now I have my feet up and just having some regouping time, some rest time, some alone time (well, Jerusha is trying to do a headstand on the bed next to me). This afternoon I plan on taking a nap. Lord willing, that will be able to happen.

I don't understand how some people disdain the thought of having children. I have to sing their praises. Yesterday during my emotional crash, they were wonderful at keeping things going here. They did breakfast, kitchen clean up, folded laundry, schoolwork, kept track of the littles, and put up with my sobbing all day. They responded in immediate obedience when I gave directions. They worked quietly and got along well. As a parent I am used to finding what needs working on as far as their behavior goes. But yesterday, though they aren't perfect, all I say was what a wonderful blessing they are to me. They were truly a reward and a gift.